FENNY AND RHELDON ARE CANON
by Tribeca
Summary: Every Thursday night at eight o'clock Penny and Sheldon get together to watch "The Large Evolution Hypothesis" staring the characters of Fenny and Rheldon. The similarities and parallels are stunning. *complete*


**A/N: In my never ending pursuit to write something for this fandom that is unique I came up with this. It is the craziest thing I've ever published. This fic is the offspring of a mindfuck that had sex with a freak show. I don't really expect anyone to like it, but I just had to get it out of my system. It's from the heart, so there's that. Keep in mind it is written with tongue planted firmly in cheek. Also, to give credit where credit is due, I got the idea for Sheldon's letter from a comedian named Eugene Mirman. He wrote a letter of complaint to Time Warner Cable and published it for the world to read. I don't know, it reminded me of Sheldon, I thought it was pretty funny and it gave me inspiration. Google it and have a laugh.**

FENNY AND RHELDON ARE CANON

Sheldon's eyes followed the single tear as it tumbled down her face and plopped silently onto her forearm. He was unsure as to if she was even aware a tear had fallen. Penny sniffed and he watched in horror as she raised her arm and swiped the sleeve of her shirt under her nose. He scooted closer to the end of the sofa but quickly realized his thigh was already pressing into the cool leather next to him, leaving no way to escape short of extracting himself and eliminating his nearness to Penny. That was not an option he wanted to consider. And so he stayed next to his (snot covered) neighbor, tilting his head to the side as he studied her.

"What?" she looked up at him, her nose bright and her eyes shining with tears not yet spilled.

"I'm sorry Penny," he said as he reached for the remote and paused the scene that had elicited such emotion in her. "I am having a difficult time understanding your reaction to this show. It is merely a mind numbing situation comedy created for the sole purpose of entertaining the uneducated masses. It is not a drama, therefore I am perplexed by your tears."

"I'm not crying," she lied as she sucked the snotty mucus deep into her sinus passages and rubbed her fists into her eyes until they felt dry enough to reveal to him.

"Penny, you know that I am not good with social protocol, therefore I do not understand why you are making an unsuccessful attempt to conceal your emotions from me."

She sighed, "Okay, I know this is really stupid but I just always thought Fenny and Rheldon would end up in love. They are so good and to be honest, I started watching The Large Evolution Hypothesis because they were so cute together and I loved every scene they were in."

He snorted, "Well, I only started watching it for the science and super hero elements, along with the occasional science fiction theme that managed to get tossed into the mix, as it were. Besides, I thought Fenny and Stenard were supposed to be together?"

"I know, I know. I think Fenny and Stenard were originally _supposed_ to be together but I don't think the creators or the writers ever anticipated the incredible chemistry of Fenny and Rheldon when they are on screen. I mean, really, sparks fly when those two are together."

"Well, I can't speak to that, but I can say as the seasons have progressed, the show has moved away from its roots considerably. What once was a somewhat intelligently written television program that offered unique characters and interesting and comedic situations has now become nothing less than silly drivel and low level comedy."

She grinned at him, "Well then why do you keep watching it Doctor Cooper?"

He tried to hide his smile as he stood, "I suppose it is because I find you here on my sofa every Thursday evening at eight o'clock with the remote control in your hand and this show blaring its theme song into my living room. What choice do I have?"

"Well, you could be with Amy. Or you could be hanging out with the guys."

"Yes, I suppose. But let me point out that _you _could be with Leonard or hanging out with your female friends."

"True," she sighed as she pushed off the couch and moved to join him in the kitchen, "but then I wouldn't get to spend one night a week with my favorite neighbor, now would I?"

He turned to look at her, mouth agape, "Your favorite neighbor? Are you forgetting about your boyfriend?"

She shrugged and said, "Well, I guess boyfriends don't count, okay? God, Sheldon, can't you just let one slide every now and then?"

He shoved a bottled water in her direction and then turned back to the refrigerator to retrieve one for himself.

"My apologies," the confusion in his tone matched that of his face. He trailed behind her as they went to settle themselves back on the sofa and resume the program.

"Apology accepted," Penny mumbled as she reached for the remote.

Sheldon snatched it with his long fingers before she could grab it.

"Wait, you never answered my question. You said you always thought Fenny and Rheldon would be together. I still don't understand why their relationship status would reduce you to tears. I do not believe that _crying _is neither what the network nor the writers of this show intended for their desired outcome."

"Well, it's just that for almost four years, Fenny and Rheldon were so exciting. They made me laugh, there was undeniable sexual tension between them, and besides, I really hate for Fenny to end up with Stenard. She deserves better. He has been really mean to Rheldon, he sabotaged his work, remember that episode? And he chases after women all the time for sex and it's just gross. Besides, Fenny and Rheldon are the perfect balance. She's funny and easy going, he's serious and uptight, they both come from similar backgrounds, they argue but when the chips are down, they are always there for each other. Well, they were until Blamey became a regular character."

"Yes, while I am not as devoted to the show as you are, I did notice an obvious paradigm shift in Fenny and Rheldon's relationship after Blamey became Rheldon's girlfriend. Although, it seems to me that Fenny was involved with Stenard and that sort of pushed Rheldon out of the picture, and then Blamey practically forced Rheldon into a romantic relationship, one of which he was clearly opposed to."

"Exactly!"

Penny grinned and pushed her fist towards Sheldon, hoping for a commiserating fist bump. Instead Sheldon wrapped his fingers around her hand and shook it gently. She sighed and snuggled in closer to Sheldon.

"Still, I hardly see why the relationship status of these fictional characters would bring you to tears."

"Well," she laughed, "it is kind of embarrassing. I know it's ridiculous but I just love Fenny and Rheldon so much and I miss what the show used to be. I miss those two interacting together, I miss the hope of thinking they would eventually give in to the passion between the two of them, I miss how sweet they used to be. Both of their characters have hardened and neither of them seem happy with the person the writers have put them with."

"Penny, may I yet again point out the obvious. It is fictional."

She rolled her eyes up to meet his, "Well…Spock is fictional and you care about him."

He thought for a long moment and then released a knowing sigh, "Point taken."

Sheldon quickly hit the play button, acutely aware that thinking too much about his favorite Vulcan could in fact reduce him to tears as well. He finally understood.

…

Soon enough, far too soon if Penny and Sheldon could ever be honest with themselves, Leonard was home from working late and Penny announced she had to turn in for the night due to an early shift at the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard bid Sheldon goodnight and dutifully followed Penny across the hall to her apartment. Sheldon was almost certain he detected unspoken dread on Penny's face.

He paced around the living room, falling further and further behind on his nighttime schedule. Tears in Penny's eyes, no matter the reason, just didn't feel right to him. He'd never been able to figure out why he, Homo Novus that he was, could be so deeply affected by his exasperating neighbor.

Sheldon's mind whirled with the possibilities of combating the issue that had brought about Penny's tears. He was a physicist, and while he knew about the workings of everything in the universe, he had to admit to himself he knew almost nothing concerning the business of network television. He did however, he reminded himself, know quite a lot about complaining. He was very capable of writing letters that quite eloquently laid out the reasons why his way was better. It was he, after all, who had taken down a local muffin store with his sharply worded comments on yelp dot com. He had proven to have endless patience when in pursuit of correcting the wrongs of society. He had once spent two and a half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service. And he was the lone concerned citizen whom had single-handedly convinced the Pasadena Municipal Court that the flags in front of the courthouse were flying in the wrong order. And now, and forever more, the flags would fly in the correct order of federal, state and then city of Pasadena thanks to his diligence and pursuit of excellence for the imperfect world of which he was required to reside.

He snapped his laptop open and set about laying out his case as to why the characters of Fenny and Rheldon who appeared on Penny's favorite show, The Large Evolution Hypothesis, should enter into a romantic relationship:

**Dear Mister Snorre (and whomever else it may concern):**

**It has come to my attention via my neighbor Penny that your show is wrong. This has made her cry. I do not like it when Penny cries. A brief but thorough internet search has revealed to me that Penny is not alone in the shedding of tears over your show. It seems there is a sizable contingency of viewers of your show **_**The Large Evolution Hypothesis**_** that share in her grief concerning the relationship status of Fenny and Rheldon.**

**For reasons unbeknownst to myself (and if you, sir, would care to conduct your own research into my standing in the scientific community you will find I am quite accomplished and on a fast trajectory to be awarded The Nobel Prize) you and your writers have deemed it canon that the characters of Fenny and Stenard are engaging in a romantic relationship. Furthermore, you have also appointed the characters of Rheldon and Blamey to an equally distasteful and dysfunctional romantic pairing. However, it is quite clear to me, and more importantly to Penny, as well as the silent majority of your viewers that these two pairings are unacceptable and ridiculous. **

**The obvious perfect pair bonding should consist of Fenny and Rheldon. These two characters are the stars of your show. Without either of them, you product would be worthless and unbearable. If I may direct your attention to seasons one, two and three, and a few episodes of season four, you will note without a doubt that the shining moments of your program occurred when these two characters were on screen. Forcing Fenny into a relationship with a womanizing, backstabber of best friends, whiny experimental physicist with mommy issues is ludicrous. Additionally, you and your writers continue to cram the relationship between Rheldon and Blamey down the throats of your audience as well. In doing so, you have managed to deconstruct and minimize the once strong and formidable character of Rheldon. This is unconscionable and should not have been permitted to occur. **

**I submit to you that justice would be served only if you terminate these disastrous pairings and make quick haste of repairing the damage you have done to the friendship (and what should soon be canon romance) of Fenny and Rheldon. If this is not resolved in a quick and satisfying manner for your viewers and in particular for Penny, I shall have no other choice but to wish the following curses on you and your staff:**

**Curse of the Passing of Gas: As you are walking down the corridors of your office building and think you are alone and can release the silent but deadly gas that you have been holding since lunchtime, when said release occurs, may you experience the warmth of brown liquid oozing down the interior of your trousers.**

**Curse of the Sniffing Canine: Each time you encounter a domesticated dog, be it that of your neighbor, your friend, your parents or your significant other, may said dog begin a relentless sniffing and pawing of your crotch. **

**Curse of the Bad Haircut: May your barber or hairstylist lose your haircut records for now and evermore causing you to endure a never ending succession of bad hair days. **

**Curse of the Genitals: If you are male, may your penis shrivel to the size of a single North American Vienna sausage. If you are female, may your vagina become as dry as the Atacama Desert. **

**Curse of Writer's Block: May the ruthless and steady blinking of your processor's curser mock you as you stare at the blank page on your computer screen as your vast vocabulary withers to that of an uneducated Primate.**

**In conclusion, I request that you remedy this situation post-haste by making Fenny and Rheldon carved-in-stone canon. Anything less is unacceptable.**

**Sincerely,**

**Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, PhD, ScD**

**P.S. I feel it is my duty as a loyalist and a purist to all scientific principles and properties to reveal to you that in reality I do believe that all curses are hokum. I have only referenced them in this letter as creative license to express the dire seriousness of the situation. But please be advised that it has been pointed out that I am only one lab accident away from becoming a super villain. Beware.**

Sheldon quickly printed a copy of his letter and then scanned the internet for a mailing address to Mr. Shuck Snorre. He would not only email his letter, he would also pay a premium to have it hand delivered by carrier as well. He reasoned that nothing was too good or too expensive for Penny. If anyone could change canon it would be Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper, Master of his own Universe.

…

"I have a surprise for you," he said, as he tried desperately to conceal the grin that threatened to break across his face.

She rolled her eyes and plopped down on the sofa, grabbing for the remote control before he could reach it.

"What is it?" she smiled at him, waving the remote above her head as he leaned towards her in an effort to snatch it away.

"Well, remember how you, and by extension, me, decided we would not finish out watching season six last year of The Large Evolution Hypothesis?"

"Uh, yeah. It killed me because I really loved that show, but I just couldn't watch them destroy what had once been such a beautiful thing."

"Well," he said in a sly tone, "tonight is the premiere episode of season seven. I thought we could watch."

"Sheldon," she whined, "Noooooo, I don't want to. I know it's crazy but I just can't watch what they have done to those beautiful characters. I'll just stick to reading fan fiction about Fenny and Rheldon."

"Penny," he started after he managed to pry the remote from her hand, "just trust me on this okay? I, um, heard that they made a few changes for season seven. Let's just give it a try."

She huffed and rolled her eyes, "Fine. But if I say turn it you have to turn it."

He smiled down at her, "Very well. Give it at least ten minutes and if you still want to change the channel I will concede."

"Alright, Moon Pie. This better be good. If I have to watch Rheldon and Blamey doing the deed I'm gonna puke in your lap."

"Duly noted," he said, silently praying that Mr. Snorre had not betrayed him.

…

Penny swooned unabashedly as Fenny and Rheldon locked eyes and in the heat of their battle over laundry detergent and washing machines, Rheldon threw down his basket and stormed towards the pretty blonde. Fenny stopped mid-sentence and drew in a quick breath before the characters embraced and exchanged their first kiss.

"Oh my God," Penny whispered.

"You like?" he said, relaxing a bit now that he was sure there would be no vomiting in his lap this evening.

She turned to him and grinned, "Sheldon! How did you?...What did you?...Wait, did you have anything to do with this?"

"Well, after a sharply written letter to The Powers That Be explaining the decline of their show, I received a phone call from one Mister Shuck Snorre himself. Turns out he's a nice, level headed man. Of course it didn't hurt that he was in desperate need of a highly educated and skilled science and physics consultant for his show. Not to mention a tutor to help his son prepare for college admissions exams."

"Sheldon, you're kidding!"

"Penny, you know I never kid. And if you pay close attention at the end of the show, we should see my name as the credits roll. At least I hope so, as my mother has gathered her entire prayer group at her home in Texas to watch for our family name on the television screen."

"Shhhh, it's back on!"

She reached for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as they watched with satisfied laughs when it was revealed that Blamy and Stenard were plotting ways to break up with Fenny and Rheldon in order to pursue a romantic relationship with each other. By the end of the episode, the four were friends again and Fenny and Rheldon were the new canon.

"Yes! Fenny and Rheldon are canon!"

"They are indeed."

Penny cheered when Sheldon's name appeared on the screen and she made him rewind it and pause it so that she could take a picture of it with her phone.

"This is going on Facebook," she giggled before stretching up to plant a kiss on his now pink cheek.

"I'm pleased that you are happy Penny. I hated to see you cry."

"Wait. You went to all of this trouble for me?"

He shifted nervously in his spot before barely whispering, "yes."

"Sheldon, look at me."

Penny knewthe moment his eyes met hers…she knew he felt for her the same growing feelings she felt towards him. Feelings she had buried long ago, feelings that she had successfully hidden for six years. And for the first time since she'd known him, he moved closer to her with a purpose.

"It occurred to me Penny that our own relationship runs somewhat parallel to Fenny and Rheldon's. I need to know if you concur."

She slowly, as to not startle him, slithered her arms up the length of his torso and wrapped them loosely around his neck. Her fingers danced softly at his hairline.

"I so concur, Sheldon. So, so, so concur. I concur more than I've ever concurred with anything else ever."

He playfully rolled his eyes, "Well, then, we'll have to work on your grammar and vocabulary but barring those issues, I would like to propose a shift in our paradigm."

"Explain yourself Doctor Cooper," she said with an easy laugh.

"I propose that we too, Penny, much like the fictional characters of Fenny and Rheldon, become canon in our own world."

"Oh Moon Pie, I can't begin to tell you how much I so very much concur."

"Really Penny, you need to expand…"

"Kiss me Sheldon. Just kiss me now, we'll expand later."

And just like that, Sheldon and Penny became canon.


End file.
